cesarean, Motherhood

C-sections cut deep

Nearly four months ago, little TJ entered this world via emergency c-section.

Like so many others, I had a relatively easy pregnancy so there were no early indications that my delivery would be anything but “normal” (whatever that means).

Then came an induction due to reduced movement which led to an epidural and pethidine. But with no sign of even dilating 1cm after 12 hours of excruciating contractions and TJ’s heart rate dropping, it was a different story.

Today, I’m feeding TJ and One Born Every Minute came on and they show a c-section. I immediately start crying.

Whilst physically I’m recovering, emotionally there’s still a long way to go.

I have tried to watch YouTube videos of c-sections to try and get my head around what happened. I’ve never got through it. So that’s why I kept the TV on today – I needed to see it. I needed to remember it’s not just me.

The actual procedure went well. But the c-section recovery marred my first days and weeks of motherhood. My body didn’t pop back to normal like other c-section mamas I know. The drugs I relied on for weeks of pain relief were also my worst enemy as I remember so little. I still get twinges and pain in the area making it difficult to feel like “me” again.

I know it’s all OK as TJ is healthy, happy and all-round perfect. And I will be fine too. But, having been robbed of the birth experience I dreamed of, it’s going to take a while before I can put it all behind me.


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